28 Jun Look at me! I’m wonderful.
In one hour, I have to be walking out the door. I have been holding in the back of my mind for a few weeks now the nagging desire to publish a blog post.
But I haven’t taken the time to write because I’ve been trying to be intentional about other stuff. About not brushing my family aside while I write about how awesome my family is. Ya know.
So in these few minutes I have this morning, I will share a random smorgasbord of tedious thoughts:
1. #tfios #dftba If you know what that means, then you know what that means. As a youth librarian, I have taken liberties to act as a child and follow all the stuff “kids these days” are interested in.
2. On that same note, I just read the book about Esther Grace Earl, the young lady who was the inspiration for John Green’s novel The Fault in Our Stars. It’s called This Star Won’t Go Out and it’s a compilation of Esther’s writings and ramblings while she was sick with thyroid cancer mixed in with a blog maintained by her parents during that time. I devoured the book: 1. because I adore true stories; 2. because I just recently discovered how cool John Green is; 3. because I lost a teenage niece to cancer; 4. and because I am a child. I recommend the book to teens and grownups.
3. I’ll probably never get my own book published because I don’t have the gumption to care much about this blog right now. I want to write for the sake of writing. When I put things in words, I figure out what I think – otherwise the tangled nonsense remains trapped indecipherable inside my head. I also occasionally get a rush from sharing something that will encourage someone else! And I like to blog because I believe I look at the world in a unique and honest and realistic way (at least that what I’ve heard from readers) – I attribute my outlook to Jesus, which is something I enjoy sharing with others.
However, to publish a book these days, you need to have a “following,” a “platform.” To attract attention of agents, editors, publishers, I have to show that I have gazillions of people who will pay to read what I have written. Ugh. The blog then turns into a promotional tool where I feel pressure to sell myself. “Hey! Look at me! I’m so wonderful! Read my blog and comment and share and tell me how great I am.”
That turns me off. I just don’t have the desire or energy to polish myself. I can barely get dressed each day. My hair is as short as it can be without looking too weird – mainly so I don’t have to spend more than 30 seconds styling it. My clothes are mostly solid colors – grays, whites, blacks, jeans – so I don’t have to worry about matching anything. In a word, I’m too “lazy” to sell myself.
I will “sell” and “promote” that which I am passionate about. My memoir (were it to ever be accessible to the masses) is something I will push on everyone. Because I like what I have to say and I think my writing style is entertaining, enjoyable, inspiring (at times). But to blog for the sake of blogging when I really have nothing to offer – just can’t do it right now.
4. New topic. Our exchange student left us last weekend. I miss him. It’s not like we chit-chatted all day long – he is quiet; and I am crazy nervous and awkward. But he was a part of our family and I miss him. He is such a great kid. I want him back.
5. Apparently I had more to say than I thought for this post. It’s been ten minutes that I’ve been writing. I won’t edit this post. It’s given to you straight from my beady brain.
Last night I pissed away the whole evening that I could have been with my kids and hubby sitting on my bed trying to compose a brilliant piece about “noise” and “silence.” Two hours – wasted. Perhaps that post will come to me eventually – it does involve putting tape over my own mouth, so there’s that.
Okay, Happy Saturday! I dedicate this eloquent (ha ha) masterpiece to the lovely woman who messaged me to say she misses my blog. I was shocked that anyone noticed I was absent!