Dear Pain, Shame, Hate, and Anger - JJ Landis
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Dear Pain, Shame, Hate, and Anger

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I am usually a wreck. My mind is a minefield, explosions of distraction with each passing minute. Oh, I should write that down. Oh, I need to look up a recipe. Oh, I wish I were a crafty mom. Oh, I need to call that person. Oh, my kid needs new shoes. Oh, we’re out of toothpaste. Oh, the husband and I haven’t been communicating lately. Oh, I let that person down. Oh, I should call my parents. Oh, the dryer is finished. Oh, I was supposed to leave for work five minutes ago. Oh, what day is it?

 

I’m guessing those kinds of distractions are common to all of us. There are some more violent blasts though that I wonder if I am all alone in experiencing. Tics, quirks, obsessions, compulsions, anger, fear, guilt. I find new ways daily to beat myself up. I vacillate between love for humanity and hate, between embracing hardships and self-pity. I am mad at others or mad at myself. My kids drive me batty and all I want is for them to leave the room I’m in. The minute they are gone, I miss them. Issues people! So many issues!!

 

Pretty much the only time I can focus on anything decent is when I am running (or otherwise exercising – walking, elliptical-ing, etc.). By “decent,” I mean heavenly, Godly, good, pure, and most importantly – focused.

 

One song I love to hear while running (and don’t get me wrong here – I am not a super athlete or anything – I putz along s-l-o-w-l-y, just enjoying the time to air out my thoughts) is called “Dear X, You Don’t Own Me” by a band called Disciple.

 

With God in my life, I am free. With God in charge of my life, the focus of my actions is on Him and building His Kingdom, not on myself. That’s freedom! When I live my life zoned in on how awful I am and what a nutcase I am, I am completely focused on myself. And I can tell you, there is no freedom in thinking about yourself all the time.

 

The song goes like this:

Dear pain, oh, it’s been a long time
Remember when you were holding me tight
I would stay awake with you all night

Dear shame, I was safe in your arms
You were there when it all fell apart
I would get so lost in your beautiful lies

I let you go but you’re still chasing

Go ahead, you’re never going to take me
You can bend, but you’re never going to break me
I was yours, I’m not yours anymore
You don’t own me

Dear hate, I know you’re not far
You would wait at the door of my heart
I was amazed at the passion in your cries

Dear anger, you made me so high
You were faithful to show up on time
Such a flame that was burning in your eyes
I let you go, but you’re still chasing

Go ahead, you’re never going to take me
You can bend, but you’re never going to break me
I was yours, I’m not yours anymore
You don’t own me

Go ahead, put a target on my forehead
You can fire, but you’ve got no bullet
I was yours, I’m not yours anymore
You don’t own me

 

When this song is playing, I feel strong and victorious. My thoughts center on the power of Jesus to heal and strengthen. In Jesus, I am an overcomer. Pain, shame, and hate don’t stand a chance in my life! Life is hard and confusing, but it’s possible to live “above” all the mess. You can be free too – let me know if you want to talk about this.

1Comment
  • shannon
    Posted at 08:28h, 22 July Reply

    Good for you! You are not alone, unless it’s just you and Me. I find if I recognize it at the time I can declare freedom from it in the name of Jesus. Through Christ, we have power of our thoughts and so if I’m feeling inferior I know it’s a clear attack from the enemy and then renounce it in the name of Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to fill me. love your posts! xoxo

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